Our Fertility Journey

I generally don’t share personal things, especially on a blog. Everything is pretty generic and I post only good things that have happened. I suppose it’s because I don’t want to dwell on the bad, embarrassing, and difficult times. So I’m going out on a limb here. I would like to share our journey through infertility. My hope is to help someone…even if it is only one person…who may be struggling with this type of trial. I know others’ stories helped me. Some of what is written may be too much information for some…I mean we are talking about reproduction here, so feel free, NOT to read it. :) Oh, and it's rather long too...my longest post EVER!  Anyways...here it goes:



It’s a long journey, full of ups and downs. Whenever I think about it and what we’ve been through I tear up and cry. It’s a tender subject that is close to my heart. When we first decided to have children, I remember we were so excited and we could hardly wait. The first months came and went with nothing. We quickly learned that my periods were very irregular. I would get sooo excited when I was late and hurry and buy a pregnancy test. Only for the test to be negative every time. I faithfully charted my temperature for about six months so I would have information for the doctor. I read books and spoke with friends and looked online for tips and tricks on how to get pregnant. Finally our first doctor’s appointment came and I thought our journey would soon be over. That appointment was over four years ago and was the first of many.


I was given the standard Clomid and I was on it for way too long in my opinion. Since that did not work, we began the routine testing. In the middle of testing and getting results, we found out we were moving from Indiana to Virginia. So, things were put on hold for a minute until we found a new fertility specialist. I was so excited when I learned about the Jones Institute in Virginia, the first place to perform in vitro fertilization (IVF) successfully. I quickly made an appointment and remember thinking, “Now we will get to bring a baby into this world.” Blood tests, semen analysis, HSG test and so on. We were never given a clear diagnosis. It was always bits and pieces like, “This is a little off and so is this, but this is okay and so is this.” During our time in Virginia, I also started seeing an acupuncturist. I felt like the acupuncturist helped regulate my cycles a little better. We knew we only had a short time in Virginia so we tried to get as much done as possible. We did two IUI’s (intrauterine insemination), both failed. Then we moved to Memphis.


I was worn out from fertility by this point. We had done some type of test or procedure every single month while we were in Virginia. All had the same outcome - no baby. We moved to Memphis in January of 2011. We painted and unpacked. After a month or so, I started to look for a job. One of my goals was to find a “high-paying, low stress job.” I think it’s important to write down exactly what you want, because in the end of my job hunt that’s exactly what I got. My job has been a huge blessing for our family. I don’t remember having one bad day at work (knock on wood) and I’ve been here for over a year now. That’s amazing to me. Anyways, after I found a job, I started to think about doing fertility treatments again. I started searching for a fertility clinic in May 2011.


I still remember searching on the internet and finding the Fertility Associates of Memphis. http://www.fertilitymemphis.com/ I was browsing through the site and reading about the doctors. I just got this really powerful feeling and the thought came into my head, “This is where we need to go. These doctors will help bring a baby into our family.” I wanted to call and make an appointment right away. If I remember right, I did call them on my lunch break. I asked them some questions and then asked when we could be seen. She said the earliest she could get us in was August. I was surprised. In May, August seemed so far away. I said I needed to talk to my husband first. So I did not make the appointment. (Note to self: in the future, make the appointment, and then cancel if it doesn’t work out.)


I told Nels about the clinic and asked if he was ready to start up again. Things came up and we didn’t talk about it much. Then, finally, we decided that we were ready. I called the clinic back and set up the appointment. The soonest they had available had changed to September 26. I was amazed at how fast they filled up! It was frustrating, but then I thought, “They must be really good!”


We anxiously waited for September to come and kept busy with life.


Our first appointment with Dr. Kutteh lasted about 3 hours, and we were impressed to say the least. Dr. Kutteh is super efficient and gets right down to it. He’s very practical and doesn’t beat around the bush. He had reviewed our previous medical history and said, “Basically, you have a 1% chance of conceiving on your own. 8-10% chance of doing another IUI would be successful. If you choose to do IVF, you have a 55-60% chance of success.” For some reason I was shocked by the percentages. We thought the IUI was a little higher than that. Nels told him we wanted the fast track and we didn’t want to mess around. We were tired of tests and re-testing. Dr. Kutteh listened and took action. Since I was in the middle of my cycle, he immediately had me do blood tests and an ultrasound to see what my body was doing. The ultrasound showed I had some eggs ready to be released. Even though our chances of success were low for another IUI, Dr. Kutteh encouraged us to do it. He explained Nels needed to do another semen analysis anyways, so we might as well put them to good use.


So, on the first appointment; we had an IUI scheduled in two days and the possibility of success. If it didn’t work, Dr. Kutteh strongly encouraged us to do IVF. Sadly the procedure came and went and the days passed with no positive pregnancy test. I was crushed again, even though I knew our chances were low. I always hope.


I gave myself about a month to recover and then we began to think about doing IVF. We had started to save up the money after the IUI failed. We were getting closer to having the amount needed for the procedure. Finally, at the beginning of December, I called and scheduled the IVF.


We were thinking about January, so I asked if that was possible. The soonest they could do it was the end of January. I went ahead and scheduled it. Then, I told Nels. He was excited, but nervous. The end of the month is stressful for Nels due to his job. But we thought we could handle it, so we kept the date.


Later, we both kept feeling really anxious about the date. We knew Nels would have to miss some work and we weren’t sure how it would work out with month-end. (That’s how we know a decision isn’t right for us, we tend to fight more and we both feel anxious / unsure.) So, I called and changed the appointment. We were hoping to move it just the following week or two so it would be in February. But of course, they were unable to accommodate us and the soonest, non-month-end date was March 5.


After I made the appointment, I felt relief and excitement. It felt so much better and I knew the timing would be less stressful for us.


I’m grateful it was in March because it gave me time to relax and just be me for a few weeks before things got crazy again.


There are some things I’m so grateful I did, but I don’t ever want to live through them again. IVF is one of those things. I’m so grateful that we did it and the outcome is positive, but oh to remember what it was like to do…That’s probably one reason it’s taken me so long to post. I know one of the reasons I made it through was because of the Lord’s help. When I think back on it, I remember thinking and feeling at the time, “this isn’t so bad. I can do this.” Really though, those feelings and thoughts were the Lord giving me strength to do it. Mosiah 24:13-16 was the scripture on my mirror. These verses became true words for me and they continually buoyed me up.


Anyways, here’s a quick summary of the IVF procedure…I know I’ll probably leave some out, but hopefully it will give you a good idea of how it works.


I was on birth control pills for about 4 weeks to “calm” my system. We had an injection class that was very helpful. The nurses took a lot of time to show us how to do each type of injection. We did subcutaneous and intramuscular. We were very nervous when we saw the needles. I was doing all right until they said I would be doing practice shots before I left. That made me queasy. But I’m glad I did the practice shots, because it helped me not to be so fearful when it came time to do the real thing. Nels even did a good job giving me the intramuscular one (those shots go in the back of the hip area.)

I took this picture afterwards...weeks after we were done with IVF.  So some of the items are missing...but this gives a good idea of how much medication was involved.

The two syringes on the left were for the subcutaneous shots.  I just pinched my stomach and inserted the needle.
The two syringes on the right were for the intramuscular shots.  The thicker needle (on the far right) was only used to draw up the medicine.  The thinner needle was used to give the shot.  See, not so bad.

A little story: I remember at one point the nurse was going over the timeline. I remember asking her, “What should I think during all of this and while we’re waiting to find out if it worked or not. I don’t want to get my hopes up, what’s the best thing to think.” Irene is the nurse’s name. She looked at me and said, “This will be successful. Everything we’re doing is preparing your body to be pregnant. You’ll be in the best condition to receive and keep the embryos. So don’t think it will fail, because this will work.” I looked at Nels and we both felt it…hope. We needed to hear that confident nurses reply. It made all the difference as we moved forward. Of course, we both started crying, but that’s okay…fertility is emotional.


Soon after the injection class, I started doing one shot a night for about a week. Then I had an ultrasound and blood test. Then I started doing a second shot of a different kind of medicine. These shots were helping my ovaries overproduce eggs. For about two weeks, I went in every other day for a blood test and ultrasound. Luckily, the appointments were at 7:30 a.m. so I was only a little late to work. One Sunday, I had an ultrasound and the nurse said the eggs hadn’t grown. We were almost out of the expensive shot that stimulates the growth. She said we might have to reorder some. I was so upset. I went to church, but I couldn’t handle it and just broke down. (I did that on a lot of Sunday’s…I would do well during the week and it would catch up to me on Sunday.) So I went home and just cried and cried. Then the nurse called with my blood test results and the doctor’s instructions. Dr. Kutteh wanted me to go in the next morning. He thought I would be ready for extraction in a couple of days. I was so happy. Monday morning, to the nurse’s and my surprise my eggs had grown and were just right. This was a huge blessing, we really felt like it was because the day before all of our family had been fasting for us.


So we moved forward, Nels gave me a shot in my hip area to release all the eggs, and March 7 I went in for surgery. I’m sure I would have been nervous, but they had me take a Valium the night before, so I was nice and calm. Poor Nels on the other hand was super anxious. He was even more nervous when the power went out during my procedure! Luckily, everything went smoothly and I woke up to great news. “16 eggs!” More than we had hoped for. I took two or three days off work…I can’t quite remember…to recover. Each day, the doctor called to let us know how our embryos were doing. We learned that 14 had fertilized and were doing well. Day 3, things were still looking good. Dr. Kutteh decided a Day 5 transfer would be best. So, Monday morning we went to receive our little embryos…day 5 they are actually called blastocysts.


Once we arrived, I went into the restroom to change. When I came back, Nels was pale as a ghost and in scrubs. I said, “Are you okay? He explained the nurse just handed him scrubs and said he was allowed to be in the room during the procedure. He was not prepared for that, and looked like he was about to faint. Luckily the nurse came in to check on me, and I said, “I’m fine, but my husband needs something or he’s going to pass out.” She looked at my pale husband and ran to get him some Sprite. A couple of nurses came and moved him to a recliner, gave him a blanket and his drink. They just doted on him. And me…well…happily I had another Valium and was just fine.


Dr. Kutteh came in and spoke with us for a little bit. He explained that we had two good blastocysts. He then asked if we would like to transfer one or two. Our first question was, “How many will we have to freeze?” He asked the other doctor who watches the growth of the embryos…I don’t know what his name was…to come and consult with us. The embryo doctor told us that we have one that was ready to freeze, but the rest were behind in growth. If they didn’t catch up by tomorrow we would only have the one blastocyst to freeze. We could transfer one for a 45-50% chance of success and have two to freeze. However, when they thaw the two, they may not be suitable for transfer. Or, we could transfer two for 60% chance of success that one of the two would implant and a 30% chance both would implant. We went with the better chances and implanted two.


The transfer went well, and Nels was perfectly fine when he was in the room. He was asking the doctor all sorts of questions and was happy. Before we knew it, it was over. I was instructed to lay there for about a half hour. I remember thinking during that time, “This is the closest I’ve ever been to being pregnant.”


Two days of bed rest and then I could go back to work. Thankfully, some good friends brought delicious meals and I was well taken care of. The doctor called later and said that several embryos caught up and we were able to have 6 frozen! Wow! I really think we were meant to transfer two, because if we had known there were 6 to freeze, we probably would have transferred one.


The waiting began and also intramuscular progesterone shots…my favorite. Just kidding. We learned a few tricks with the shots to make it more bearable. Nels had to insert the needle super fast, otherwise I would bruise more and I would be incredibly sorer. We got the hang of it after a few times though. I definitely don’t miss that nightly routine though. We did those shots for about 6 weeks and then weeks 7 and 8 we did the shots every other night.


March 21st we went in for a blood test and we were ecstatic to get the happy news. They asked me to come back two days later for another blood test to confirm that my hCG levels were increasing. Those were the best blood tests. :)   Remember my parents arrived in Memphis March 21st.  So they came with us to do the second blood test.  My mom took this picture of us in the waiting room...cheese. :)

We’re very happy with the results of IVF. We’re glad we did it. We’re so thankful for the help we received and the fasting and prayers of family and friends. Now we are looking forward to the day we see our two little babies.

Side notes: I just have to tell how wonderful Nels was through all of this. Every night he got my shots ready for me, filling up the syringe, having alcohol swabs ready for me and then he stood by me…or in the case of the progesterone shots, gave me the shot. :) He was right beside me the whole time. Sometimes I think it was harder for him to watch me go through it all. Even now with the pregnancy, he does all he can to help me. He’s very concerned and protective. Anyways, he was a real star during all of this.


Thanks for reading. :)